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Lucas Bravo has spent the past few weeks moaning about his Emily In Paris character to anyone who'll give him the time of day. His speeches were already funny when it seemed like he was just lashing out in advance of an impending sack, but they're even funnier now that Variety announced the actor is fully set to return for season five of the stalwart Netflix hit. That set is about to get pretty fucking awkward, considering that the actor said things in his rants like "Life is short. It takes five months to shoot this series. Do I want to sacrifice them by telling something that does not stimulate me?" and "I do not want to be a part of a cog that does not tend to take the intelligence of viewers into consideration." Oof, dude. Maybe give the rest of us some tips on how you managed to talk your way out of that one.

In a separate, pre-announcement co*plaint to IndieWire, Bravo came up with some turns of phrases that this writer is pretty sure have never been uttered in the English language prior to his tirade. His character, Gabriel, was "being slowly turned into guacamole," he said, later co*paring the show's tendency toward stagnation to "a lot of souffles." So why all the foodie language? Yes, Gabriel is supposed to be a "se*y chef," but apparently there's more to it. According to "a source close to production," Bravo "wanted his chef character to be grittier and closer to The Bear" than one from the very different, very bubblegum-y show he was actually cast on. Reportedly, Bravo's decision to grow his hair out for the last season came from a specific desire to emulate The Bear star Jeremy Allen White as well. Hey, dress for the job you want! 

As goofy as all of this is, it's kind of hard to hold it against him when a bunch of dudes that vaguely resembled White just gathered to test their chain-smoking and "behind"-screaming mettle in a Chicago-based lookalike contest this past weekend. If they can pull out their white t-shirts and blue aprons for $50 and a pack of cigarettes, why can't Bravo, an actual actor, do the same? Plus, a future EIP/The Bear crossover episode would be dumb fun in a way television rarely gets to see anymore. If It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia and Abbot Elementary can do it, we should get "Cousin Richie In Paris" too, dammit!